Tonight I met with a great friend. Despite the fact that Game #4 of the NBA finals was going on and it is now almost 1am and I still don’t know what happened, I was tickled pink to spend some time with a friend. Even if it had to happen so late at night. There are certain things in my life that totally ‘bring me back’. One is and always has been, good sincere worship and the other is a good sincere friend. Tonight I got both. I spent some time driving in the car to and from my friend and during that time the Lord EVER SO GENTLY brought me back to His throne to remind me of who I am. The craziest part is that I didn’t even realize that I had forgotten. It’s so strange. Do we even realize how GOOD God really is? The fact that I even know about Him is an incredible display of His grace but then to be ushered back into His presence when I didn’t even realize that I had walked away – WHAT GRACE IS THAT??? Only found in Jesus! I have written in times past about how I am guilty of being too busy a lot. Not only is learning how to say ‘no’ a difficult lesson for me, but I also bite off more than I can chew quite often. Looking back at the last couple months, I have definitely been more busy than I want to be and have taken on way too much. What a sad truth that sometimes the first thing to go when the list is too long is the one and only thing you actually need! Why? I wish I knew Why! I guess it’s because we know that He will always be sitting there waiting for us to realize our weakness and lean on Him. We know He will forgive us, we know He will take us back. So when times are crazy, He too often takes the place on our back burners. Yes, He forgives but for how long? How many times can I just walk away in my blind stupidity and expect for Him to be sitting there calling me home with compassionate understanding and a gentle voice? God is also just. How long will He put up with my wayward ways? How long can He stand being overshadowed by dumb stuff that doesn’t matter – or even GOOD THINGS THAT DO MATTER!!???! The mornings spent in His presence before the little ones wake up are TEN TIMES better than the ones without time with Him who gives me life, breath and the strength to get through every day. I know this, so why am I so inconsistent?
I woke up this morning with a hole in my heart and didn’t even know it. I just love how God uses other people, and sincere worship and talk to open our eyes to the truth about ourselves. I am so grateful for that truth on this day more than ever. How long would I have strayed? Would I have even noticed? This all has just made me think: How many people walk around with holes in their heart all around us just DESPERATELY AND BLINDLY trying to fill it with something, or anything. Our jobs, our KIDS, our to do list, or all of our ‘good’ things we need to do. It is so incredibly beautiful to me how EVERY LITTLE THING, all my trials, all of my projects, all of my relationships PALE in comparison to HIM – who really matters in this life, who gives us life even when we forget. I take so much for granted every single day starting with the fact that I fail to thank Him for even waking up in the morning so I can care for these incredible small blessings He has given me.
I guess this is just a late night confession for me here but I know I am in good company because EVERY HUMAN has a hole in their heart. The only difference between them is that they fill it with different things. My commitment to Jesus must be renewed on a daily basis – I chose to live this day for Him and I chose to push out the things that will condemn me if I worship them and instead fill that God shaped hole with God alone.
I hope this makes sense. It’s far too late to read it over. I trust that these words will fall on the right eyes. It’s so liberating living in the freedom of Christ! Goodnight!